26 Aug 2010 - Fireproof

Loved the story. Started out bit boring. But as the story progresses, I could not stop crying. Lept thinking about him too. Wished that my story could be the same as Catherine. That he would turn back and realise the mistake he made.
That made me realise that I still loved him. The memory of him walking away, giving up, cos he felt like things were too difficult, and deciding to be with her; it all hurts. And though i wish that he would see the err of his ways, it wont make a difference now, cos if he does see the err of his way now, then he would put in effort in his current relationship and make it right. That would be what a good man will do and that is what I would like him to do. Do the right thing.

Oh how my heart aches. It aches to be in the arms of someone. It aches to be loved, to be led by a strong man. A man after God's heart. But I dont know when my time is. I thank God that He has not forgotten me. That He has good plans for me. That He loves me. That He gave His one and only beloved son for me.

Interruptible.
I realised that for whatever reasons, I did not allow myself to be interruptible over the last few days. And had the Holy Spirit remind me in the bath early one morning. The amazing thing was how He also caused a sista to remember the same thing, but with regards to an incident more than 1 year ago.
Almost cried my eyes out. I didnt realise how much I had longed to be acknowledged. I wished he knew. I wished .....
I wished my heart can be known. That many will realise.

I cant do this alone. If not for God... If not for Jesus...

Singlehood...
Learning to embrace it. Still dont feel like a 35. Still feel like a 25.
Did time stop for me? In some ways I guess. I am learning all the things that a 25 would learn physically, mentally and probably emotionally too... hmmm not sure if that was a plus or not.

Still struggling with issues of selfishness.

Daddy... JOhn says that I do not share. How can I share such things?
I do not want human acknowledgement. This is a heart issue. Only you can deal with. Yes encouragement helps. Support helps. But no... no one can solve my issue of selfishness. Only You can. Only the revelation of how much I have been loved and forgiven can solve the issue. And it is still WIP. :(

I do not want to rely on others. I want to rely on You Daddy.
Yet You use people. It is such a contradiction. I do not know how to balance it.
Help me!

Let my life honour You Lord!
The thins that I say, the things that I do, the things that I think... let them honour You Lord. Keep my heart pure and clean.
Thank you for the cleansing by the blood of Christ.

Thank You God!

8 Aug 2011 - Hope renewed

Its not the easiest...

But it is not impossible.
With God, anything is possible.

It is disappointing that the attraction is not mutual. But it will not be the death of me. Instead, it is an encouragement.
If there are men like john around, then it gives more hope in God’s promise that my heart’s desire will be fulfilled – and that is to have a husband and children.
And John will be the benchmark. Hopefully I get to meet the person soon. John shall be the brother that I never had who can “vet” and watch out for me.
No doubt he is younger than I am, but he is more mature spiritually than I am and can definitely recognise a man of God with good character than I can.

So Praise God for the blessing that he is in my life!