24 Dec 2012 - Your Promise

Daddy, Wasnt I supposed to meet my husband by the end of this year? Its just a few days more and I am still single. Still yearning for someone to take this life journey with me. And I stuffed up again. Why?! :( Am I that bad? Why is it so hard for me to find someone who would like to be with me? Or are you intervening to disallow that from happening? I know that You have my best interests at heart. What does that mean Daddy? What does that look like? I'm 37. I dont look a day older than 29. I dont feel a day past 30! I dont know how to be. And I want sex. I would sleep with him now if he were to pursue me. I would allow myself to be in vulnerable situations with him and sleep with him. I would allow it to happen again. I know I allowed myself to be in that situation. I was sane enough to make a decision to say no, I'm going home. He gave me the choice too. I wish he would organise movie night. well, day. I would go over. And get "stuck". Just to spend that time with him. And I would sleep with him. Just so I can get that intimacy again - being held in his arms, having his attention. Why Daddy? Why? I know he is bad for me, yet I still want it. I know all of what I've said I want is bad for me yet I still want it! :( I'm glad I deleted my fb account. That way I cannot check on him, I cannot check to see what he has been doing.